Sometimes, we forget to tell our children ...

Generation Gap?

That though we prattle and play together what deserves reprimand today will not be postponed to tomorrow. Hitting, bullying, hurting another will get what it should, today. Not when you are older but exactly now, when you are old enough to be bad towards someone. In the hope that you will understand how the angry “Don’t you ever do that again!” was important today to prevent causing hurt from becoming a habit in the future.

We forget to tell our children …

That we see the hormonal roller coaster behind your adolescent mood and stubborn acne, and that we are there to help in this transition towards adulthood. Not just label you defiant in public, but remember our own time. That the reproductive system is biology and sexuality is a part of life. That menstruation is not a hush-hush stigma but science, even if those who call God their own consider it otherwise. That being a teenager is important, as important as it is fun. And that we won’t stand in your way as you learn and unlearn, but wait on the side so you know we are there, just in case.   

We forget to tell our children …

That our dreams about you do not dictate your future, but your dreams of the future are ours to dream. You go ahead and become what you want, and we’ll watch your back - ready with our ears, our hands and shoulders, whichever you may require. You figure life out, leave home, choose, do, lead - for today belongs to you. Not to our age-old myths, time-weathered ideas or unfounded fears. Feel free, and feel free to fail, for there’s always tomorrow and there’s always us. So, take it easy! 

We forget to tell our children …

That an over arching universal idea of ‘family values’ is pure rhetoric and stuff that class 4 school debates are made of. That family values mean what all the members of a family value, together, by a shared consensus. Not codes of conduct which have been passed down generations, as unquestioned vagaries struggling to fit into today’s context. Look around on your own, discern what it takes for the fittest to survive in the time we call 'now', find your principles your values your opinions, share them and let us rediscover what our family values, all over again!  

We forget to tell our children …

That we will never remind you of all that we did for you – like favours, or debts or burdens forever for your shoulders. We did what we could and best. Just as you will too one day, for your child. If we were to make a list, then perhaps we did not understand the meaning of what it is to be a mother to a child or a father to a child. Not everything is quantifiable. If it is, then perhaps it’s an expectancy from tomorrow. Let there be nothing expected by us from your side, except respect and love. And let us as parents understand how best to earn those two from you too.   

We forget to tell our children …

That you are more important to us, than the whole society and its many minds put together. Society did not give birth to you, and neither did it produce us. This relationship is personal, between you and us. That we will never make a spectacle of your follies or compare your scores with the neighbour. Just like we as parents will not excuse your misdeeds either. Perhaps find another way to communicate than to bring in the world as an example - to unlearn wrong, to forgive and finally move on towards a tomorrow where no mistakes are repeated. A promise between us, and one which does not require the society to watch over! 

And we forget to tell our children ...

That while we were born to be your parents and you our children, we should be the best of friends. That different times of growing up and different expiry dates do not mean understanding cannot be found. Tell them that generations are not born with permanent spaces in between. That bridges are possible, and necessary.

As I see these lines suddenly transform into a prayer, I make a promise to myself. I will remember to tell my child that his parents will forever strive to build that bridge and try meeting his newer-age stance at the Golden Mean. And for that, I will remember to ask him to teach us parents too as he learns from us. Only then, when we grow together will we remain riveted as one - a happy family, without any gaps between our ever-evolving minds.   

Amen.